Saturday, 22 October 2011

Soft Vaguely-Metallic Bees


Plums are funny old things aren't they? Obviously we all know that plums are either made of gold or silver and thus cannot mulch down into compost. They're your friend for whenever you need them and - although they don't have eyes - their flowers wink at you.

Much like a dog's face, the petals on gold and silver plums open and close continuously without ever really saying anything.

But like a dog, you know the plum'll be there for you when you need to feed it to the allotment manager to increase his capacity to be impressed by your daily labours.

We all love plums. But sometimes we forget about their cold reptilian cousins - the Fixit Berries.

Until recently, the fixit berries hid their relationship to plums by appearing either lurid pink or blue. But that's all changed now. These days they WANT you to know that they're related! They want you to see that they have much in common with their immortal plumkin.

The Fixit Tripler's berry now comes out as sort of pallid bronzy nearlygold colour. And the Doubler manages a palepale silveryblue.

And yes - so the fixit's are soft and will mulch down, leaving you in the lurch if you don't pick them. Sure, you can't just hold onto them and have to feed them to the allotment manager on their schedule not your own. But just because they're not as convenient as the plums doesn't mean that they don't have hidden depths - just like bees!

Don't bees have hidden depths? If all you knew about bees was that they sting you then of course you'd think "I'd rather have a dog than a bee".

But here's a truth you can't escape:

Bee sick is much tastier on toast than dog sick.

It is a classic example of life in the vegetable patch. The gardener who dismisses the fixit berry as less useful than a plum will never achieve as grand a status as the gardener who learns to harness it's complexities!

"Though rubbish sheepdog maketh he,
think twice afore ye sack yon bee.
So too, should Plum and Fixit Berry
be both respected equivalently"

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